ADVICE: Should My Friend Abandon Her Dreams To Help Her Mom?

Every week, New York City’s own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

A full archive of Ask Andrew W.K. can be found HERE.

Need his help? Just send him an email at:

July 24th, 2015

Dear Andrew,

My best friend/co-worker/roommate just told me she’s dropping everything and moving back to the other side of the country to take care of her sick mother. Now, while I think that’s admirable, it seriously impacts my rent and living situation, not to mention my work life, and the fact that I’m basically losing my best friend. I obviously don’t want to tell her how to live, but the fact is, her mom was always really horrible to her and basically made her life a living hell. When I got her this job and she moved in with me, it was basically the first time she could really start pursuing her own dreams and building a life of her own. I honestly think her giving up everything and moving back home is a huge mistake. It will not only mess up everything she worked so hard for, but it won’t be fun for her to be there — just to help out an old woman who really doesn’t deserve her. My friend says she’s 100 percent going to do this and there’s nothing anyone can say to change her mind. What should I say?

Losing A Friend

Dear Losing A Friend,

You should say, “I’m so completely awestruck and moved by the selfless devotion you have for your mother, that I’m going to do everything I possibly can to support you and be whatever you need me to be during this challenge. I am your friend and I love you.”

You see, you aren’t losing a friend, you’re gaining a hero, a role model, and a living example of inspiring spiritual integrity that should make you rethink your entire outlook on life and its priorities. Your friend is transcending you. You are witnessing a transformative experience, up close and personal. Your friend is raising up to another level of being — a level that is unfortunately too often unseen and unappreciated — it’s as if it’s too high and blinding to see.

Your friend is beginning one of the most challenging and difficult ordeals in life — the process of truly abandoning selfishness and living a life of service. This is an initiation that can bring out the best and most noble aspects of a person’s character, or lead to resentment, bitterness, and total failure. Many people when faced with the opportunity to serve someone besides themselves, retreat from the challenge because they don’t think they’re strong enough to do it. What they don’t realize is that the actual process of doing it is what builds that strength inside them. Going through it makes you a better person. You will rise to the occasion when you are called upon — you will become greater than yourself when you have a reason to be.

…continue reading

Photo by Dustin Ashcraft