ADVICE: Is It Bad to Be a Loner?

Every week, New York City’s own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

A full archive of Ask Andrew W.K. can be found HERE.

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November 12th, 2014

Dear Andrew,

I’ve always been a quiet and reserved person, but I’ve been feeling pressure to be more talkative and social. Do you ever feel pressure to be a certain way? I see people who are so easy going with social interaction, but I really enjoy spending time alone. Do I need more friends to be good at partying? How do I become the life of the party?

Thanks very much,
In A Shell

Dear In A Shell,

Sometimes people who seem the most socially comfortable are actually just as shy as you. Sometimes people who are using exaggerated and overly-congenial behaviors are behaving that way to make their own type of shell or protective barrier, because of their own fear of seeming shy or too reserved, just like you are.

We all want to be liked. We all want to feel good about ourselves in the presence of others. This is a natural part of the human-spirit — our desire for camaraderie and connection. But how we deal with that desire for connection — and how we go about making it — can lead to self-doubt, a sense that something is wrong with us, and a lot of unnecessarily distorted personality traits.

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