ADVICE: I’m Not Ready For A Baby

Every week, New York City’s own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

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March 12th, 2014

Dear Andrew,

My wife is keen to have a child. She often asks me, “Do you want to have a baby?” and I tell her yes, but then I quickly change the subject. The truth is, I’ve never imagined myself as a father, and if I was to answer the question honestly, my answer would be no. I love my wife. What should I do?

– Indecision Personified

Dear Indecision Personified,

You don’t have to make a baby if you don’t want to. Just like the other notches on the traditional life-belt, “go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house,” having a baby is a choice many people take for granted without deeply considering all it entails. It’s good you’re thinking honestly about what you want, rather than just blindly following what society does or what your wife thinks you should do. It’s always helpful to deeply consider big life choices, and there are few bigger moves you can make than forming another human being.

Making a person is probably the most intense and mind-blowing act a human being can participate in. The fact that we’re all a result of the magic of birth actually makes it harder to appreciate — it’s so commonplace that the miraculous aspects of forming new life can be difficult to appreciate. It’s actually so intense that we tend to water it down into something less incredible. People are having children every day, but ideally it should never be reduced to an “every-day” experience. Each and every person we see around us was just a baby formed by two other people. It’s so incredibly pervasive that it’s often hard to zoom out and consider the miracle of life with proper perspective — getting distance is hard when we’re immersed in something.

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