ADVICE: How Do I Get My Girlfriend To Play With My Butt?

Every week, New York City’s own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

A full archive of Ask Andrew W.K. can be found HERE.

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March 21st, 2014

Dear Andrew,

I love my girlfriend, but she’s a bore in the bedroom. My previous girlfriend had crazy sex with me. She introduced me to a lot of stuff, like playing with my ass. I couldn’t even begin to ask my new conservative girlfriend about ass play. Or can I? To put it bluntly, how do I get my new girlfriend to play with my ass?

– Ass Play

Dear Ass Play,

I think it’s pretty rare that your best sex is with your best girlfriend. This is where the term “hate fuck” comes from. This is also why pornography exists. Some people claim the best sex they’ve had is with their current partner. And if that’s true, then awesome! But more often, the people we want to spend our time with don’t necessarily deliver in every single area, including sex. It’s like dating Michael Jordan and expecting him to be as good at baking cakes as he is at dunking basketballs.

Sex and love are related and intertwined, but they’re also very different and separate phenomena. That’s why you can have a genuine love for your sister, but not want to have sexual intercourse with her. Similarly, you can have a fantastic physical experience with someone you don’t like very much as a person, and wonder “Why do I love fucking this person when they’re so annoying?”

It’s confusing.

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