ADVICE: "How Do I Date with an STD?"

Every week, New York City's own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

A full archive of Ask Andrew W.K. can be found HERE.

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September 2nd, 2015

Hi, Andrew W.K.,

I get plenty of dates, but when I tell someone I have genital herpes, none of my charms seem to matter anymore — they bolt. Telling people is so much worse than the actual virus. I get pretty bummed about it, and I imagine it's even tougher for your readers who have more serious illnesses.

I'm trying to find the party in this situation, and I could really use some advice. How do I deal with being rejected over something I can't change? How can I keep the virus from damaging my self-worth?

Thanks,
Looking For The One

Dear Looking The One,

When I was quite a bit younger, I had a long term relationship with an older woman. I had only been in a few serious relationships, but I went into this one with an open heart and complete blind trust.

After being committed to this woman for several years, she experienced a herpes outbreak. I was confused. I knew I didn't have the virus as I had been tested before she and I had started dating. It was then that she admitted she had always had herpes and had lied to me when I asked her early on if she was disease-free. I was devastated — not so much by the fact that she had exposed me to the virus, but that she lied right to my face and maintained the lie for so long. I couldn't believe that this woman who I thought was supposed to be so mature and smart could be so coldly dishonest and inconsiderate about something so intimate and fundamental.

It should come as no surprise that she ended up cheating on me and we broke up not long after. She had never really been honest, and though she appeared to live a life of righteousness, she was riddled with hypocrisy. And I had trusted her entirely, even after she admitted to lying about her disease, and it was still not enough to motivate her to lean towards the truth.

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Photo by F. Vierti

This news item was posted on: September 02, 2015

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