ADVICE: How to Get Over a Devastating Breakup

Every week, New York City's own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

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June 11th, 2014

Dear Andrew,

My girlfriend of four years just broke up with me last night. I'm totally devastated. Even though we've had our ups and downs, she just dropped me from out of nowhere. She also told me she cheated on me, which just makes this all worse. We had been dating since high school and I thought we'd be together forever. She said she wants to stay friends and to help each other through the breakup by staying in contact. My heart is shattered and I still love her, even though I'm also angry and so hurt. I can't imagine how I can continue living a regular life without her. How do I stop all these feelings and forget about her?

Sincerely,
Devastated Dumped Dude

Dear Devastated Dumped Dude,

You don't stop all these feelings. You should feel devastated. Your heart should feel shattered. That's how you can tell you were really in love, that you're really alive, and you're really a human being. It's also how you can tell that you really allowed yourself to be truly open and intimate with someone else. Many people can't handle the pain of really loving and caring about someone else, so they avoid intense relationships and the vulnerability that comes with them. You should take pride in the fact that you've been strong enough to be weak. The strongest people have the capacity to really let themselves feel. Sure, it hurts. But it's also how you got to experience all those wonderful feelings too. Don't let the pain trick you into closing your heart to the world and the future.

And don't try and forget about her. Odds are you'll remember her for the rest of your life and think about her constantly, even years and years after you've recovered from this initial onslaught of painful emotion. When you're in a relationship with someone for a significant amount of time, they become part of you forever. You've exposed your soul to them, and whether you like it or not, they'll retain their place in the story of your life for the rest of your time here on earth. But you'll find that your memories and thoughts of them won't always be painful. They won't necessarily be enjoyable either. They'll just be thoughts. Like remembering a dream. Don't be afraid of your thoughts or your dreams or your nightmares. You can think about things without always having to feel emotions connected to the thoughts.

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This news item was posted on: June 12, 2014