ADVICE: How to be a Man

Every week, New York City's own party messiah takes your life questions and sets you safely down the right path to a solution in his new weekly advice column in The Village Voice. Read the latest edition of Ask Andrew W.K. below or by clicking HERE.

A full archive of Ask Andrew W.K. can be found HERE.

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July 2nd, 2014

Dear Andrew,

A year ago, I got into my first real fist fight. I nearly pissed myself with fear, but I won, and it felt unlike anything I've ever experienced. It was such a high. For the first time in my life, I felt indestructible and had an outlet for all my years of pent up frustration. Now I get into fist fights all the time. Every weekend I go out looking for fights -- mean and hateful. All this violence is starting to worry everyone around me, and it's honestly starting to worry me too. It helped me blow off steam at first, but now ... my biggest fear is that I'll hit my girlfriend during an argument or get stabbed during a bar fight gone wrong. Should I become a professional fighter as a healthy outlet for this compulsion? Should I force myself to stop the fighting altogether? Do you wanna fight me?

I'll Fuck You Up

Dear I'll Fuck You Up,

No, thanks. I don't want to fight you. The only person I'm really interested in fighting is myself, and that's an ongoing war I'm sometimes losing and sometimes winning, one battle at a time. I'm sure you'd beat me in this sort of fist fight, anyway. My strength is in partying, which only involves fist punching the air and head banging for fun -- not fist punching someone's face and banging their head on the concrete.

People who love fighting are very particular. I had a friend who got into fist fights constantly. He claimed he didn't enjoy it, but he seemed unable to resist violent confrontations and went to great lengths to make things come to blows. He got in fist fights with taxi drivers about which route they took. He got into fights with strangers about how they looked at him. He got into fights just because.

He lived by a code that listed the steps you have to go through in order to to become a real man. He said you had to:

...continue reading

Photo by Mario Dane

This news item was posted on: July 02, 2014